Discernment in approaching grief and loss
Confusion depicts our childhood losses in a childish way. If it was normal not to be given guidance while growing up, you may be stuck seeing your childhood only in a very childish way (“I needed this, but I didn't get it”), and so may not be applying a layer of adult discernment to that past. If you perceived losses as never being resolved, you may be stuck childishly defending the past, or, hiding and unable to access many memories about it. 

Discernment in processing the grief & sorrow of past events
Discernment is a timely process of becoming more certain in understanding. Growing discernment regarding a confusing past requires starting with a standard, and then comparing the: goals, motivations, and ‘fruit’ of those adult role models in your early life against that standard. We may be shocked to find that our opinions (once considered to be ‘freely chosen’) only seemed so because they were a response from the worldview of a troubled childhood.